:: So It Is Written... ::

:: Thursday, January 29, 2004 ::

 

This just pisses me off beyond belief. It's like an epidemic up there... I watched one of these cases unfold when I was in Boulder... They arrested four guys for rape at another football party... you know what they got in the end?? 40 hours community service. And they didn't even have to do that until AFTER they completed their football season... I swear... anyone want to help me destroy a football stadium?

:: posted by Tmber :: 1:10 PM ::

 

Not bad... Not bad at all... How in the world did I miss the Carolinas in there???



create your own visited states map

:: posted by Tmber :: 2:12 AM ::

 

It's really sad watching a friend's baby grow up too big and too fast for his own good.

New comment system is up and running.

:: posted by Tmber :: 2:02 AM ::

 

There are two kinds of food in this world... food that is cheap, but not good for you, and food that is good for you, but not cheap.

Quote of the Week:

"I can feel the warmies, but they won't come out!" -- Deedee

I have a headache... the cable guy came by today, after only being an hour and 45 minutes late... only to find out that I don't have a phone line in my house... suprise... I told them that when I ordered cable... they didn't tell me then that you can't have cable unless you have a phone line. Well, you CAN, but they won't LET you. How stupid is that? Argued with this guy for like 45 minutes... He even proved my point for me (long story), and after proving my point, he simply got frustrated and told me to go away.

Deedee and I have decided that stupid people will be the death of me. One day I'm going to meet someone so stupid that I'm going to have a stroke and die. I think I'm going to get a shirt made that says "never underestimate the power of stupid people" period... sometimes, it only takes one stupid person.

plus, my dvd recorder is crap... I should have known better... it was a wal-mart brand... it couldn't even record star trek. Plus, without digitial cable, it won't be quite as useful... Maybe I'll just hold off on a recorder and stick to the VCR + DVD burner combo I've got going right now.. speaking of which, anybody got any old home videos they want transferred to DVD? email me, and we'll negotiate a fair price....

I'll try to get a working comment system up soon. I kinda had hopes that the current one would spring back to life soon, but I may put up an emergency backup comment system for the time being. probably not right now... I have a headache, remember?

There's something you won't hear a guy say everyday... "not right now... I have a headache"...

:: posted by Tmber :: 10:27 PM ::

 

Oh, to sway the fickle hand of fate...

anyway... classes start... I'm busy. I rewired my entertainment system today, only to realize that, ya know... you can't play a tape if your VCR doesn't actually connect to your tv... I was very disappointed.

Now I have to rebuild my computer.. and that whole class/work thing. I don't know where/when I'm working yet... still trying to figure that one out... I'll get back to you...

p.s. I lied.. no, not about that... about that first thing.

:: posted by Tmber :: 10:02 PM ::

 

oh, and btw... I have not been witness to such a long conversation about one pair of boobs since jr. high.

:: posted by Tmber :: 5:08 AM ::

 

I have several poems in my mind that want out, including a near complete poem that has been there for over 12 months now. This poses a serious dilemma for me. About 5 1/2 years ago I vowed I would never write another poem, and I haven't... I haven't penned nor typed a poem since then. I have three stanzas of iambic tetrameter in my head patiently waiting an ending, and I know if I just put pen to paper for 30 minutes, I could have it worked out and how I want it... but instead, I stick to a commitment I made to myself so many years ago.... why?

I have more to say on the subject, but I think it'll have to wait...

:: posted by Tmber :: 4:49 AM ::

 

So you might have noticed that I haven't posted anything substantial about myself here in quite some time, eh? Well... what can I say? I haven't had much worth saying, and what is worth saying I've kept to myself. I have been in some weird funk lately. I don't know how to explain it. Something's off with me. Something besides my sleep schedule... but that's as good a place to start as any.

I have this odd anxiety thing going on. When I lay down, I get this horribly anxious feeling like I should still be up doing something or working on something. I wish I could pin it on any one thing, but I can't. My finances are crap right now (and before anyone begins thinking how much worse their problems are, I would remind you that you more than likely make more money than I do. After taxes, rent and bills, I make -$11... yes... that's negative 11 dollars), and while that will hopefully change next semester when I start a new job (or two), right now I'm fairly anxious about finances. (Before you take me on as a charity case, I have a fair amount of money saved up right now, designated as wedding money... which brings me to my next topic:) On top of that, Deedee and I are finally getting to the planning stage of our wedding. That's enough to send anyone's blood pressure through the roof and I haven't handled it too well, either, which I'm sure has put stress between Deedee and I, and has, in turn, raised my anxiety level even that much more. Add to this that I'm stressing trying to figure out the sanity and psyche of a friend who doesn't even know I'm aware of the situtation they've put themself in, which puts me even more on edge, making sure I don't say the wrong things in front of the wrong people.

Now, let's light a sinking ship on fire, shall we? My parents gave me $300 for Christmas with the stipulation that it cannot be spent on bills. Now, I have a hard time deciding what to spend $20 on (DVD, of course... but which one?). So I have spent several nights looking at websites and several hours in best buy trying to figure out what color anvil to tie to the mast of the HMS Chad-tanic.

Now, one way I deal with extreme stress is to go buy something... but this does not help when what you're stressed out about in the first place is spending money. So I end up coming up with all these creative ways I could buy expensive toys, like a Bose lifestyle home theater system or that new InFocus projector I want... pipe dreams, of course, which I talk about, but everyone knows I shouldn't go get right now... what can I say... I guess I'm all talk.

Next semester is a source of high anxiety, as well. First, I would like to do more stuff next semester. I want to get back into my karate routine... maybe teach a self defense class one night a week. Test for my blackbelt. Start swimming. I thought about spending an hour or two each week learning to play a new song on either my guitar or a piano. Then I think, well, where can I find the time... maybe in the evenings? well, sure... unless my new job doesn't pan out, in which case, I'll be working a second job in the evenings. Fun.

Oh yeah... MIT... So I applied to MIT. Wouldn't it be great if I got in and got a free ride to MIT for my Ph.D.? Well.... hmmm... would it? Going to Boston will turn my life upside down much in the same way going to Colorado did, except worse. Going to Boston doesn't just mean I leave all my friends and family behind and run a 1000 miles away... No, it means I leave my friends and family behind and drag my fiancee away from her friends, her family, and her dream of going straight into grad school... a dream that I encouraged. I told her she should apply for grad school and go if she got the chance. I told her she could make it, and she could, except that right after I fostered all this hope, I took this fragile dream I helped create and set it gently on that patch of concrete in front of butler hall and shattered it, violently, with a big stick labeled MIT. What are my dreams worth, anyway? What makes me think that I'm so special that I should follow my dreams at the expense of others'? What is MIT, anyway, besides $260,000 in tuition and rent? Is that how much a dream is worth these days?

In so many ways I would not be upset if I was rejected from MIT. Deedee could go to grad school... I'd be here with friends and only a few hours away from family and more friends... In two/three years, our siblings would be arriving at state, and that would be nice... Here, at state, I'm a big fish... It took me four years to get that way, but now, I'm known... I have three professors that want me to work for them as a PhD student. I was accepted to the PhD program at state last month before I even applied. That's saying something... oh yeah, I'm officially a PhD student in aerospace engineering at State now... long story, but it boils down that in order to take a research job next semester (making about twice as much as I am now), I had to be in engineering... so I am. I'm on comfortable speaking terms with the head of the department, who, ironically, has 4 degrees from MIT. I've spent 5 years on this campus and I'm comfortable... I love State... and that makes me ask, what am I giving all of that up for? 3 words, or letters, actually... MIT. that's it. I don't know anyone up there or anything about the campus. I'm not even sure what kind of research I'll be doing or who I'll be working with, much less where I'll live. But going back to the department head... wanna know why he's department head? that's right... because he's from MIT. Johnson Space Center hires from MIT every year... they don't hire from State because, as one recruiter told me, "We hire from prestigious and highly ranked schools... and State is neither prestigious nor highly ranked." And maybe I shouldn't even get started on what I'm gonna do after school... I'm likely to have a panic attack right now.

It's 4:30 and I need to go stare at the ceiling so I can eventually get some sleep... 'night.

p.s. I normally don't post mood or music or anything, but this is a very good song I'm listening to, and I highly suggest you download it and listen to it. It's called Prayer of the Children, by Kurt Bestor.

:: posted by Tmber :: 4:42 AM ::

 

My #1 New Year's resolution: To get married.

Quote of the Day:

"I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know." - Groucho Marx

Quote of the Month:

"What the SMURF is going on here???"

:: posted by Tmber :: 4:14 AM ::